Adjusting

What a year!

I’m home again, as many of you will know, after an incredible twelve months exploring the coastline of Scotland in my sea kayak. It’s wonderful to be home too. During the last weeks of my adventure, I noticed more and more the ache I had within me to be settled again, to share Karen’s company and to experience the love and warmth of our life together. I’m pleased my expedition had a definite cut off point, a specific date when it came to a close. There was no ambiguity which invited me to eke the journey out.

When I returned to home life after my 2015 sea kayak journey around Scotland, visiting all of the RNLI lifeboat stations, I found it difficult to adjust. I slipped into a deep post-expedition depression which I never shook off. A few months later, I eventually ended up as an inpatient on Succoth Ward at the hospital in Lochgilphead. I was a psychiatric patient for four months, my first of what transpired to be a number of admissions to the ward over subsequent years.

Today, as I write this fifteen days after my triumphant return into Tobermory Bay, I find myself energised and excited. I think more so than last year, when I was about to embark on my long journey. In fact, life feels exciting again, which is odd, because I would have thought having kayaked the Scottish coast on my own, living at home wouldn’t offer the level of excitement I experienced on a daily basis in my kayak. I appreciate though, the excitement I’m experiencing now is different in its form, unlike the peak adventures I enjoyed while paddling. The quality of the excitement I’m experiencing is anticipatory rather than immediate. It’s what lies ahead for me which is feeding this heightened emotion.

What adds to the exquisite character of this feeling, is the awareness all of this is occurring because of the effort I put into undertaking my journey. The excitement I’m experiencing is not happening by accident. It’s my reward for a job well done and this is incredibly affirming for me. As a man who does not carry the pedigree of a university education and a sustained respectable career path, I finally feel on the edge of me recognising my worth. Even still though, it’s a struggle for me to fully accept this may be true.

So, what’s in store for me?

Incredibly, I’ve signed an agreement with A.M. Heath Literary Agency. To think this has happened since I landed ashore is remarkable. It was they who approached me and after a long telephone chat, we agreed to work together. The agency represent, (represented), notable authors such as; Hilary Mantel, Michael Bond, Anita Brookner, George Orwell, and Winston Graham. Importantly for me, I see adventurers such as Andy Cave and Benedict Allen on their list of authors too. Finding myself with a respectable literary agency lifts a considerable weight from me. I need not worry now about the nuts and bolts of seeking a publisher for my book. Equally, I know I’ll receive invaluable advice and support when writing. Certainly, the immediate task of producing a concise book proposal is helpful in determining the structure of my book and what exactly I will be writing.

This journey of mine was undertaken with a book as certain outcome. I don’t think there was a moment when I disregarded this when I encountered myriad powerful experiences on the sea or ashore when meeting people. I would often find myself writing paragraphs in my head and I’ve innumerable scrawled notes in the journals I carried with me. A year of adventure has elicited a cornucopian amount of anecdotes, insights and revelations. Too many for one tome, so it’ll be a huge challenge to sift through these to write about. To be honest, I’m relishing this challenge. I remember often pondering this as I paddled and every time concluding it’s an enviable position to be in. Far better I’ve a lush oasis of experiences than a desert.

It’ll be testing to view the book writing process as a long game and approach it with determination and patience. For example when speaking with Euan, now my literary agent, I intimated I aim to have a first draft of the book completed by Christmas. He gently advised me to revise this aspiration because the nature of what I speak of creating, warrants time for this to be crafted. It’s a relief to hear this advice and yet, the impetuousness within me balks at it taking so long.

Hundreds of social media followers have intimated they would like to see a photo book of some sort, displaying the best of the images I took through the year. This might be the task which appeases the eagerness within me. It’ll be a rewarding task too, pleasurably working through my photos and choosing the ones which enchant me the most. At the moment, I’m looking at the printing and publishing options available because I know a glossy, coffee table photography book, is not an inexpensive item to create.

During the latter half of my journey, I found myself pondering the legacy I hoped for on its completion. Without having to search very far, I found myself considering the possibility of establishing a charitable foundation. The beneficiaries of this entity were immediately clear to me; people in the mid to late stages of their adult life, who were seeking an adventure but unsure of how to make this happen. It was clear too, their adventure would be a catalyst for personal change and growth, just as mine was for me (and as I’ve witnessed for so many others). I’ve never established a charity before and to be honest, I’ve yet to ascertain my idea warrants charitable status. Just as my book proposal focuses me on the specifics of what I will write, writing a proposal for this idea will assist me in determining what I aspire. At the moment I know I have many people in mind to seek wisdom from and ask for their assistance. I’ve in mind creating an advisory group to begin with to help me drive this forward.

I’m particularly keen I pay forward my overall experience. What I gained from my year is immeasurable. This is in large part due to the unconditional kindnesses I received from so many warmly kind individuals. Equally, I received inexhaustible support from a global internet community, which arose around this adventurous journey. I genuinely did not expect this to occur, but that it did, will be forever imprinted with gratitude within me. Because so many people somehow identified with me and my adventurous quest, I’ve decided I’m beholden to keep this motivation alive. It follows then, the best way I see this being fulfilled is through the charitable entity I intend to create.

I do not view this as an opportunity for personal remuneration. It’s important to me once it is established, I’m able to stand back and watch it flourish.

A promise I often made when being hosted by strangers and new friends, was my return one day to provide a lecture and presentation about my journey for the benefit of their community. I intend to keep these promises and along with these, organise and deliver further lectures and presentations around Great Britain. Two challenges stand before me in realising these. Firstly, I need to master the technology to create an entertaining audio visual experience. Secondly, I need to decide when and exactly where I will deliver these lectures. Again, I find myself excited by these challenges rather than daunted by them.

Emerging from the many connections I made during my journey are the opportunities to work collaboratively with many people. Already I’ve two collaborative projects lined up already for 2024. One is with renowned musician Eliza Marshall, for a week long retreat here on Mull, where we explore the relationship between music, the arts, Nature and wildness, as a catalyst for increased self-awareness and growth. The other is with my good friend Charles Lyster aboard the tall ship, ‘The Lady of Avenel’, where for a week we voyage the west coast seas exploring the notion of adventure and how to experience this, again for growth and self-awareness. We will both draw on our combined wisdom accrued through the years of enjoying our own adventures and our roots deeply entwined with the philosophy of the Outward Bound movement.

I’ve plenty of ideas of other collaborative ventures and I’ve mooted some of these with people I was fortunate to meet and spend time with during the year.

It’s my intention to continue fully with my social media presence since it is from the social media ecosystem I drew much support and inspiration for my adventure. I do not view myself as a media influencer but I do accept my presence within that realm means a lot to many people. I want to honour this and continue the path I’ve forged as a man who openly shares his life, joys and tribulations all. In particular it’s important to me I’m a voice for raising awareness about living with clinical depression and probably of greater importance, speaking of suicide and the spectre this taboo raise for us all. I’ve found my voice and while sometimes I feel exposed and vulnerable, I gain a huge amount knowing my words hold meaning for so many.

A social media medium I intend to concentrate on more is YouTube. I believe I have much more to offer through creating films where I share my kayaking and adventurous experiences, alongside the deeper significance of these. Out of all my ideas at the moment, this is the one I hope to make a small income from.

In terms of ready income, I’m excited to return to my shed of creativity in our garden. I will begin making jewellery again and creating art which I will sell through my website. While paddling, I thought through the skills I want to acquire to further what I offer. I’m really looking forward to learning again and with youthful pleasure, creating from newly acquired knowledge.

Finally, I determined towards the end of my journey, I’m keen to seek a new pastime to fulfil my spirit of adventure. When I was sixteen, I became a glider pilot and for two years after, I volunteered at an RAF gliding school where I developed my flying skills and forever a passion for powerless flight. I’ve decided when I receive the royalties for my book, I will learn to paraglide and this will hopefully become a pastime to fire me with passion as much as sea kayaking does.

That then folks is me and my main post adventure plans and aspirations. In the bleakness of black and white on the page, they may seem intimidating when lumped together. I am fully aware of not charging at them with impetuosity, for to do so may see me crash and burn in a horrible manner. As I learned from my journey, the skill is to take each as a separate piece, see it as a daily task, and undertake each as and how I am able to. If I view every day as just that, a day, I need not overwhelm myself thinking of the enormity of what I have set out for myself. I remember very early in my journey, realising each day was simply a day of kayaking. To think of paddling thousands of miles in one package only served to heighten my anxiety.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I look forward to sharing more as things unfold.

Painting by Dick Ray